Adjustment

*This post was originally written 5/6/2011 and never posted as I was still contemplating and playing with it. I found it recently and it syncs with life both outwardly and inwardly right now so I thought it was time to put it out there! Here we go...

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Let's explore some words, looking at their etymology and meanings we've derived from symbols in previous posts.

Maat = the creative divine feminine order

Weighed = moved, lifted, carried, a vessel/carriage

Heart = center, middle

Against = opposite, toward

Feather = wings (breath, scent, sense, faculty of perception, to travel, know, feel, journey, to go), rush, fly, drive back or down, petition, seek, go forward, pray, request or require, desire, wish


under- = beneath, between or among

-world = mankind, human existence

law = layer, measure, to put down (lay)

judgement = discern, separate, divide, perceive

I've had judgment and the underworld on the brain. I'm attempting to dive deeper into the meaning of Maat weighing the heart against her feather. I think this is commonly interpreted as a comparison of the purity (lightness) of the heart with that of a feather, but this has me imagine the scenario similar to facing judgement before the pearly gates of heaven. This traditional image is just unsatisfactory to me. I find myself wondering, "Why? and What for? What purpose does this serve in the natural order of things?" So I've started breaking down the meaning of the words to get a bigger picture that can be interpreted in more ways, as for some reason having more questions, and having more options of paths to run down is what brings me peace and understanding. So here is one such scenario I have come up with so far:

The feminine divine ordering principle of the universe (Maat) : carried (weighed) the wish (feather) toward and from (against) one's center (heart).

To me, using these alternate words brings new meaning to the symbol. A symbol of the law of creation, that what we dwell on we also dwell in. That what we see, think, feel, and do is informing an inner part of us on what to make manifest.

"When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those to love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true"

*Interesting that the above song is from Disney's Pinocchio, about a wooden boy who longs to be REAL and his nose grows when he tells a lie/untruth.

By the way, I'm not saying that the above IS the meaning, or is THE meaning, but as usual I am just exploring meanings and possibilities surrounding Maat, the goddess of Truth.

What we deem as "true" is what we perceive as real, something that appears well formed, accurately shaped, and as steadfast and true as a tree. Truth is an exchange of faithfulness. Because the truth has proven to be faithful/constant we believe and trust in the truth, which perpetuates the truth, and the cycle continues. In fact, the FACTs that we believe are true, are really actions, events, occurrences, doings, experiences, and even "evil" deeds that have taken place. Evil is bad and wicked. But BAD is just being inferior in quality. When we look at the hierarchy in the process of creation: inspired from the all pervading mindstuff, to feeling, to thought and finally to the physical/material (as expressed by the Tetragrammaton), the material is actually just the lowest, most inferior piece of the puzzle. Below the superior inspiration and design. Wicked is a word derived from wizard. A magician uses the divine principles of creation to bring wishes into form. We are all wizards, witches and magicians, most of us are just casting our spells unconsciously. So a fact is a magical act.

The universe was created when god spoke. So what god had to say was really important to what was to be formed.  What are you saying in your own life? It's interesting that the word "addiction" means devotion, tendencies, habits. You could call it ritual. Even more revealing is that it comes from "ad- "to" + dicere "say, declare". This is important, because it shows that anything that you devote yourself to is an "addiction", it is what you continually, habitually perform, think, hold dear and thus becomes what you are saying because it yields results in the formation of your life.

We create our universe, and yet what we have created is simultaneously creating us.  I was looking at trees (trues?) the other day, thinking about how the direction they grow is based upon their environment - the way the wind blows, what is blockading them from growth in a certain place - such as a structure of some sort, dependent on the quality of the soil where they are located, how much sunlight and rain they take in, etc. But trees influence their environment too, their growth changes the landscape, their life creates oxygen which is crucial to the life of all other things.  We are the same way, we grow where the energy flows, if there is a blockage of some sort, our growth is stunted in that area and we will grow in another. Growth doesn't always imply a "betterment" either, it's just a building upon wherever the most energy is placed. Yet we are creating and shaping our environment all of the time too. There you have it, you are as divine as a tree. That's the truth.

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Food for thought. It's 2017 and I'm contemplating this all once more. Questions I'm facing are - Where have my "facts" that inform my life come from? What is my source? Have I learned from experience, by action and work? Or have I only listened and read the experience of others and attempted to create based not on my own physical, first hand, inner knowing but on the truth of others?
To be continued...

ode to darkness

The trees are rooted in the deep, moist, dark earth.
They reach toward the light with the strength they gain from the dark.
If they are uprooted from this dark source of power they don't have the support they need for growth.
The dark earth is the womb - it nourishes with what it has absorbed, been filled with.
All that attaches and grows from that earth womb is a reflection of what has been there before,
a representation of what has been absorbed and passed on.
The fruit of attachment
What emerges from the dark does not have to be frightening
As you walk through the black of night, imagine a loving caress rather than claws
Whatever you sense there is a part of you

It has been 4 years since I posted on this blog. Recently I was looking through it again and found the above unpublished post written on this day, October 14th, 3 years ago. The night before my son was born. His birth was one of the most empowering experiences of my life thus  far and this post captures exactly my mindset going into it. What a nice little time capsule to stumble upon! 

He was born at home after 15 hours of labor. I remember the final 5 or 6 hours being intense and powerful and beautiful. I was surrounded by the support of my husband, my mother, my doula, my midwife and her assistant. My husband was so in tune with me and made the perfect playlist of songs to lose myself in. Most notably I remember First Aid Kit and Massive Attack. I labored in the water in front of our large windows that looked out over the trees. The trees gave me strength and peace. I remember it feeling intense and powerful, and honestly I was blown away by that intensity for days afterward, as I relived the contractions in my mind. But I don't remember them as painful or frightening, just the most intensely, primal experience I had ever had. It was so obvious that my body - the deep, dark earth - knew what it was doing. The weather was intense too, stormy. 

"We did it" I remember saying to him the moment I met him. My big, warrior boy, was born screaming and quickly quieted down to stare at us all with just one eye open. Happy almost birthday to my 1st son ♡

the world is your oyster

A brew of many previous posts, I am really feeling this within today ~

Your subconscious is not something that is hidden from you, and not something you only encounter in your sleeping dreams. Your subconscious is what you see reflected in the mirror and everything around you. The world you see is a manifestation of the ideas, thoughts, behaviors you have learned to know by heart, that which you enact and practice time and again until it is instinct, your belief of what is true. You have the power to create what you see by changing what is true to you, what YOU choose to tell your heart/mind...and that truth can be whatever you choose! It may just take some serious convincing. ;)

"Why then the world's mine Oyster, which I, with sword will open."   ~ Shakespeare, The Merry Wives of Windsor

From the Online Etymology Dictionary, Oyster: mid-14c., from O.Fr. oistre, from L. ostrea, pl. or fem. of ostreum "oyster," from Gk. ostreon, from PIE *ost- "bone" (see osseous). Related to Gk. ostrakon "hard shell" and to osteon "bone."

Oyster/Bone is the material, those ideas which have crystallized into form.

As explored in the bird is the word, sword = his word = truth.

The world is my oyster, my bone, the structures I have built with my beliefs - and with my own word, my own vibration, my own truth - I will open/unfold/expand/change/evolve/create. Within the oyster, is a womb of creation/a vulva turning, spiraling, rolling around the pearl of wisdom, knowledge, truth and beauty which I/you hold dear.

"Opening oysters requires skill. The preferred method is to use a special knife..."   ~ Wikipedia, Opening Oysters

  

We are already standing at the pearly gates of heaven.

symbols rule the world

Understanding symbols is important in the path to understanding ourselves and the world around us, as images are the language of the subconscious mind. Red Ice Creations has been a great source in my quest to become symbol literate, and so I was excited to discover that they have created this excellent Red Ice TV documentary about symbolism. I'm always amazed at how much information they can pack into a 1 hour program and they have done it again! They discuss in detail the logos of major corporations, as well as the ancient history and wide use of some of the most common symbols used today such as the sun, pyramid and vesica piscis. Seeing all of the symbols together gives a clear picture of just how much intention is put into the design of the logos that bombard us in our daily lives, and how influential they really are to us even if we think we are desensitized to them. I really enjoyed the round tables at the pub with notable researchers such as Michael Tsarion, Neil Kramer and many others.

aquarian musings

I've brought some show-and-tell: I used to write all of the time - just jotting down random thoughts automatically, creatively. Somehow I completely forgot about this old pastime until recently when my mom was trying to clear out her space and sent me home with a pile of old notebooks. Here are some thoughts that were flowing through me 10-15 years ago. (Well, these are the ones that weren't rooted in angsty love-lust). I look at them with such new eyes, like a mother amazed at the perceived big word that her toddler speaks. A time capsule: A young, limited experience, innocent - unaware, unconscious of what she did and didn't know. It makes me want to start writing again, in hopes that I may have some fun, inspirational reads to reflect on in another decade. I hope you enjoy, there is definitely a common theme!

(2000-2001)

The only thing I understand in this world is the desire to escape it. And the only thing I desire to excel at is breaking all of these limitations.


The worn path will wear you.



I miss being young and free
I miss the feeling of not knowing intoxicated pleasure
but just the moment itself
I will forever need my mothers nourishment,
I now realize
Nourish yourself; her wisdom



What is wholesome?
What is good?
I watch us take each step carefully along the hard, narrow cement after one another
Conformity? Is that good?
All of these gigantic boxes really get into my head sometimes
And I long for the water, 
the air that tunnels through trees and passes through my body
awakening my senses and thoughts with each inhale
I long for moments in life where my eyes easily close 
without the heaviness of the material world 
pressing in on my brain and exhausting my intentions 
to try to free myself from the assembly line.

You've always resisted opening your eyes underwater because you're afraid of the sting. But you get used to it, and then you realize how much you were missing, and how many wrong turns you made, just because you feared the discomfort that seeing entailed.


(1997-1998)

This Blank Piece of Paper
This is my bible
Whatever I write
I follow
If I disagree with myself...
I cross it out and rewrite
These words that I have written
This is what I follow
This is what I believe
These are my thoughts, my faith in myself
This Blank Piece of Paper
This is my bible.

What would you say if you bumped into yourself?
Would you say 'excuse me' or would you blow you off?
Swear to your mother or plot to kill your soul
Save you from the cowardly planet
Save you from the dog next door
Save you from the fire in the sky
Save you from the vision of the MAN wearing that weird bow tie.
If you listen closely, you can hear the sound of a man working on the chain...right next to you.
If you watch carefully, you can see that the small print reads
"I wouldn't sign this if I were you, but instead I'm me, and I'm getting paid to sucker you in."




The slope of the shadow along the torso
leads to the nature, the long, since prehistoric obsession
The touch, the smell of living, breathing
It is within only your comprehension that the mystique is uncovered
Your own eyes, your own hands
Your own heart, YOUR OWN
Where we come from
What we search for
Its more than flesh, its more than blood
And although senses mightbe heightened, its not what you'll feel for eternity
In that place between 

Go through the maze and reach for the light. 

 On your mark, get set...go

I feel as though you understand
And that even though you don't know my place of birth,
you know who I am, I am you
You know my passion that remains hidden - and you didn't even have to look.
You're special.
You are on fire.
You feel and your soul is lifted by the steam of your heart. 
I love you as a person - you're a true human - you feel. 
Hold my hand like the grass is rooted in the earth. Complimentary.

(painting by Gil Gatfield)

the element of water: a reflection

"...Water shows us through science that our thoughts have an effect on our external reality. Imagine the possibilities when people realize their own potential for creativity..." Deepak Chopra

We are all, at the very least, partially aware of the pollution and destruction of our most precious resource. And most of us have heard that our body's water content mimics the Earth's own composition. I think most of us learned in elementary school that there is a certain amount of water on our planet and it follows a certain cycle. And we know that all living things on the Earth need some amount of water for survival. These are the basics of water, of which we take for granted most of the time, but there are many other qualities of water that most of us are not conscious of. The documentary Water: The Great Mystery probes the common element further, with insights from researchers and scientists from all over the world who are finding and showing many facets of water that we did not see before. Most intriguing to me is that water has memory, contains information, and it is something that we all share.

Dr. Gabriel Cousens touches on the work of a number of scientific researchers that support the statements of the above mentioned documentary in his book Spiritual Nutrition. In summary he states that "water: (1) can carry both positive and negative information; (2) has a memory; (3) has a memory that can be erased; and (4) can transfer that vibrational information." Dr. Cousens goes on to write about the "Cosmic Meaning of Water":
  "In essence, water is like the Divine Presence in living creatures. It vibrates within all life as the blood of Nature that takes on many forms: a glass of water, the vast oceans, turbulent mountain streams, or even the blood in our bodies. Water and life are synonymous. Yet playing different roles, it remains one essence - moving as the play of consciousness. Symbolically, water may be considered the movement of consciousness on the planet. It is the foundation of life on the Earth and resonates in constant harmony with the universe, holding the solar energy of the sun and stars, the lunar energies, and the energies of the Earth. In that process, water changes its properties. Depending on what energies it absorbs and carries, water can be either a benifit or a harm to people, making them well or ill. It can give off positive or negative energy, healing or disease-producing energy."

So what are we doing to the water? It seems to me that the corruption of our water is the most direct attack on ourselves, for if the water is polluted than so are we. What we drink and what we bathe in no doubt has an effect on the health and well being of our body, mind and soul. But now we are seeing that what we think, feel and do has an effect on the water that permeates almost everything in our lives. Which can make one think, what came first, the pollution of our water or the pollution of our mind/heart/soul/desire/intentions?

My previous posts listen to your heart and the heart of the matter also relate here, for as we know, water is related to the Moon, and those posts describe the connections of the Moon to the heart as well. Through the gravitational interaction between the Moon and the Earth we see the tides of the oceans fluctuate, rise and fall. We can see further connections in looking at symbolism as well. In the Tarot, the suit of Cups is associated with the element of water. The cards of this suit describe emotional and intuitive experience, and our unconscious, private self. In astrology, the 12 signs of the zodiac fall under the ruling of one of the four elements, with Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces being the water signs. Each sign also has a ruling planet; Cancer is ruled by the Moon, Scorpio is ruled by Pluto, and Pisces is ruled by Neptune. All of these planets associated with the water signs share some astrological associations such as intuition, emotions, and sort of the hidden undercurrent of everything (pun intended). There are also 12 houses in the astrological natal chart that represent the different realms of experience in life. The houses also have elemental qualities, with the 4th, 8th, and 12th houses being the water houses and thus ruled by Cancer/Moon (4th house), Scorpio/ Pluto (8th house), and Pisces/Neptune (12th house). For more in-depth explanation, Stephen Arroyo's books Chart Interpretation Handbook and Astrology, Psychology and the Four Elements, both serve as great sources  for understanding the connections to the elements in astrology. It could take a very long time to explore each of the signs, planets and houses, so let's just take a surface look at the Moon, Cancer, and 4th house in connection to water for now. The Moon represents our past, memories, predisposition, the experiences that have shaped us and imprinted us (a quality we share with water as mentioned above). The sign that we find the Moon in at the time of our birth shows how we express our instincts, and what makes us feel secure - based on our previous experience. The Moon represents the subconscious part of ourselves, the way that we instinctively operate and act without consciously thinking. In connection to the Moon and the sign of Cancer, the 4th house represents the realm of experience in our lives that has to do with our home base, where we are coming from. In our personal birth chart, any planet in this house would show subconscious energies, possibly things that we have formed an attachment to and need to assimilate and let go of. Looking at symbolism helps us to see a direct connection between water, our emotions and our subconscious. Our own tears show us this connection very well. Even if we cannot wrap our minds around the meaning of the connections, we can see that they are definitely there.

If you watched any of the videos or listened to the interviews with Dr. Bruce Lipton in my last post, he talks about how our beliefs create health or disease, not only within us, but everything around us as well. He also speaks of learning to be more conscious, rather than living out of our subconscious. Living out of the subconscious continuously, without thinking, creates more of the same. However we can live with the conscious intention to change ourselves and our environment and eventually, through living out those actions, it will become second nature, creating a whole new reality. It has been scientifically proven that the observer affects the experiment, it seems it is just taking a little while for everyone to accept this as truth, just as it took hundreds of years for people to acknowledge that the Earth wasn't flat. We like to feel secure, so we think and act based on what we "know", but one of the fundamental "laws" of nature is that it is always changing, so what we "know" is not permanent. We need to become more flexible and mutable, to flow harmoniously with nature. However we can only do this through intention and effort, to continuously make conscious choices, balancing and creating. Water is reflecting more than our mere physical image when we gaze into it. The quality of the Earth's water is our subconscious staring back at us, showing us what we are doing to ourselves. The deterioration is a direct result of our patterns of destruction. But the beauty of water is that it has a built in balancing process, and if we can make the conscious effort to change our patterns of behavior, to treat water with respect and love - with the return to the natural state of water, we return to our natural, healthy state as well. And that is empowering. Of course this is something that requires so much more exploration, but it is truly exciting and inspiring.