Wednesday, October 14, 2015

ode to darkness

The trees are rooted in the deep, moist, dark earth.
They reach toward the light with the strength they gain from the dark.
If they are uprooted from this dark source of power they don't have the support they need for growth.
The dark earth is the womb - it nourishes with what it has absorbed, been filled with.
All that attaches and grows from that earth womb is a reflection of what has been there before,
a representation of what has been absorbed and passed on.
The fruit of attachment
What emerges from the dark does not have to be frightening
As you walk through the black of night, imagine a loving caress rather than claws
Whatever you sense there is a part of you

It has been 4 years since I posted on this blog. Recently I was looking through it again and found the above unpublished post written on this day, October 14th, 3 years ago. The night before my son was born. His birth was one of the most empowering experiences of my life thus  far and this post captures exactly my mindset going into it. What a nice little time capsule to stumble upon! 

He was born at home after 15 hours of labor. I remember the final 5 or 6 hours being intense and powerful and beautiful. I was surrounded by the support of my husband, my mother, my doula, my midwife and her assistant. My husband was so in tune with me and made the perfect playlist of songs to lose myself in. Most notably I remember First Aid Kit and Massive Attack. I labored in the water in front of our large windows that looked out over the trees. The trees gave me strength and peace. I remember it feeling intense and powerful, and honestly I was blown away by that intensity for days afterward, as I relived the contractions in my mind. But I don't remember them as painful or frightening, just the most intensely, primal experience I had ever had. It was so obvious that my body - the deep, dark earth - knew what it was doing. The weather was intense too, stormy. 
"We did it" I remember saying to him the moment I met him. My big, warrior boy, was born screaming and quickly quieted down to stare at us all with just one eye open. Happy almost birthday to my 1st son ♡

Monday, September 12, 2011

birth announcement

I am so grateful to be a part of this collaboration with such amazing, beautiful, insightful individuals. It has been churning and crystallizing, and is finally here!

"26 bloggers/writers/artists share their experiences and perspectives on the strange and beautiful universe in which we live."

Featuring writers from: The Sync Whole, Reality Sandwich, Etemenanki, The Mask of God, Labyrinth of the Psychonaut, The Stygian Port, Live From The Logosphere, Star Theory, The Patternist, Gosporn, All The Happy Creatures, Kosmos Idikos, Radio8Ball, Constellation Contemplation, Kozmikon, Accidental Alchemist, Libyan Sibyl, A Few Shots To Shaman, Mercury's Messenger, Synchromysticism Forum

Alan Abbadessa-Green + Goro Adachi + Jason Barrera + Douglas Bolles + Peg Carter + Tommy Fulks + Kevin Halcott + Kyle Hunt + Sibyl Hunter + Stefan Jablonski + Jeremy + Andras Jones + Crystal Kanarr + Jon Kidd + Jake Kotze + Neil Kramer + Rammer Martínez Sánchez + Justin Gray Morgan + Will Morgan + Christopher "C" Myers + Eunus Noe + Jennifer Palmer + Jim Sanders+ Michael Schacht + Toure + Steve Willner

Edited by Alan Abbadessa-Green
Cover Art by Justin Gray Morgan

Since we entered the sign of Virgo in late August, the High Priestess archetype has been all around us. The High Priestess in the Tarot is associated with the Moon (which is the esoteric ruling planet of Virgo).

"The moon reflected on the surface of the water symbolizes the idea that is reflected in the form." ~ The Crowley Tarot

It is all too appropriate that The Sync Book would come to fruition during the Full Harvest Moon (in Pisces), but even more special is that today I realized that the book was conceived on the exact day of  the New Moon in Pisces back in March. The new moon corresponds to the time of seeding new ideas, putting our hopes and dreams into the womb of the mother, so that we may start the process of nourishing that which we wish to manifest. The full moon corresponds to the part of the cycle in which the fruit of our hard work has fully formed and ready to be harvested. The sign that the moon is traveling in at these potent parts of the cycle, shows the energetic expression of that which is manifesting. The cycle is always happening, whether we are consciously working with it or not. This book is the perfect example of what inspiration, vision, intention, love and effort can bring!

Pisces is a mystical, intuitive, water sign, resonating with the collective unity of all things, which the subject of the book, synchronicity, continually expresses.

"Pisces, last of the water signs and the completion of the zodiacal cycle, embodies all that is most compassionate, most universal and most deeply connected with that deeper reality which underpins the whole of existence." ~Liz Greene, Mythic Astrology

 La Lune/The Moon - the tarot card associated with the sign of PISCES, and the Hebrew letter Qoph

The Sync Book definitely embodies this energy through and through, I have no doubt that you will be inspired and embraced by the words of all of the individuals who put their hearts and minds into its pages. 

You can now exchange your energy for your own copy at createspace or

I'm feeling such gratitude to the universe, to the co-authors, to all the lovelies that are supporting this book, thank you.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

for what it's worth

I wrote the following over a year ago and wasn’t quite ready to share it with anyone, it was just a spontaneous outpouring of thoughts and feelings about the state of the world. My thoughts and feelings have continued to develop surrounding this topic since writing this, but for whatever reason, (well I suppose it is all this attention to the collective debt) I am finally ready to share it...although maybe still a little apprehensive, as these issues are hypersensitive. This is basically about humanity’s issue of self worth and the collective need to realize our own inner power and resources. I hope you will find something of value to you here, but please don't mistake me for trying to force my own thoughts or values on anyone else, mainly it was written as an exploration of my own values. I wholeheartedly admit that much of this could seem hypocritical as I obviously still participate in much of the current system. But these are the questions I'm asking, mainly of myself, and I think that is the first step. These days I am trying really hard to stay away from putting all my eggs in one basket and 'believing' in any one thing, but I don't think you can go wrong with questioning everything, arriving at your own conclusions (for that moment) based on the truth within your heart, and attempting to live by that. Anyhow, here it is:

EVERYTHING is Energy. That is an indisputable, scientifically provable fact.  In this society, we use money as a symbol for our energy. We trade our energy for money through some form of effort. Then we trade the money for energy, such as food/calories. Whatever we give our money to grows.  It is like feeding a plant; fueling, giving energy to an idea, a business, etc.  This is basically the same thing as "voting with your money". So shouldn’t we be giving our energy (spending our money) on what we want to grow? We should be doing our research, paying attention to what practices go into the production of what we are energizing.  Because the truth of the matter is, if we disagree with how people/animals/the earth/our own bodies are being treated and affected by the production of some material, it WILL shrivel up and die if we don’t give our energy (money) to it. If we don’t water the plant, it dies, and the energy is released and goes elsewhere. On the same note, what we do think is honest, healthy and uplifting WILL flourish with the flow of our energy and intention. 
Of course, this should be examined even further. Why do we choose money to represent our energy? When you research the system of money, it really does appear to be close to the root of some very disparaging and horrific things in this world. It makes room for the greedy middle man. If you note the flow of the energy: 

Effort, that is, physical and/or mental work (energy) --> money (energy) -->sustenance (energy)-->repeat.
What happened, why can’t it just be: effort (energy) -->sustenance (energy) -->repeat ?

Things are clearly out of balance here. A very small minority is getting large amounts of energy (money) by literally having the idea to produce and allocate said money. And the rest of us are doing a whole lot of work for that money so that we can attempt to gain the energy back that it took to gain that money. No wonder we are so tired, we are working  our butts off for that money, and yet the money is decreasing in value, so our self worth is going down along with it.  How much do we value ourselves? Why are we letting someone else, whom we deem an authority on us, decide how much our time and energy is worth? Furthermore, why do we deem anyone outside of ourselves an authority?  Hey, I’m just asking questions here… If we were working for our own sustenance directly, rather than to sustain a system that rewards a minority, wouldn’t we feel a lot more fulfilled, inspired and energized? And when I’m speaking of sustenance I don’t just mean food, clothing and shelter, but what feeds our soul as well, whether that is music, art, science, philosophy, sport, whatever it is. Most of us don’t even have the time or strength to put energy into what makes us happy. What is the point of that? Why are we working so hard just to barely make enough money to give us the basic energy sustenance that we need? And not to mention the people who don’t have the opportunity or resources to even gain enough money to acquire the most basic material sustenance of food and thus don’t have the energy to put forth.
Additionally, look at our addictions:  to food, to alcohol, prescription drugs, illegal drugs, shopping, watching television, sex, etc. It is all to try to FILL us up. We feel void, we feel like we aren’t getting what we need. We feel empty, hungry, tired, uninspired. All symptoms that we aren’t getting enough what? Yes…ENERGY! It is inevitable that we need to expend energy to gain energy, but when we are expending our energy for a symbol or an energy replacement that has an arbitrary value, we aren’t getting what we are giving, some will get more, and most will get far far less.  
But we are not just giving away our energy for a return of a faux energy, we actually also give up our freedom of choice as well – because we must show up when someone else tells us to, no matter what our needs may be. Once again, whoever it is that has traded us our time and energy in turn for money is getting the real form of our energy, and what did they have to give in order to get the good stuff from us? Did they give us real energy in return? No they gave us energy replacement (money), which can change in value on a whim. That hardly seems fair. And you might argue that not everything in life is fair. But ask yourself, who decided that?

So the real issue is not actually money, the real underlying issue is our beliefs, which are symptomatically shown through our relationship to money and the people we give power to, that we allow to control the money/energy and thus, control us. It all starts with an honest look at ourselves and what we value. And as I’m sure you have noticed, I have A LOT of questions. Why do we need money? Who ‘owns’ the resources on this planet? What and who are we really working for? Who is the authority? Why are they the authority? And why do we want them to be the authority? Honestly, it appears that most of us don’t want to be an authority, because that would entail personal responsibility, so we place the power outside of ourselves and thus don’t have to look inward when things aren't going smoothly. We’re afraid of the decisions and we’re afraid of the really hard work. It is harder to choose to stop working for something you don’t believe in, and to work toward building something new, than to go along with a system that is already in place, (no matter if that system is working or not).

“Fear of fate is a very understandable phenomenon, for it is incalculable, immeasurable, full of unknown dangers. The perpetual hesitation of the neurotic to launch out into life is readily explained by this desire to stand aside so as not to get involved in the dangerous struggle for existence. But anyone who refuses to experience life must stifle his desire to live – in other words, he must commit partial suicide.” – Carl Jung

"The soft-minded man always fears change. He feels security in the status quo, and he has an almost morbid fear of the new. For him, the greatest pain is the pain of a new idea." - Martin Luther King

However, the real secret is that the hardest work brings the greatest achievements. We’ve always known the real secret, but we forget because it’s so simple that we take it for granted.  We squirm at the thought of facing our fears and going through pain, but if we could just muster up the courage to go through it, something really beautiful WILL happen. Transformation. Fulfillment.

“The greater the tension, the greater is the potential. Great energy springs from a correspondingly great tension between opposites.” – Carl Jung

How can we balance the energy? The first step is looking inward, at the "good" and the "bad", the positive and negative, being honest with yourself about your fears. 'Face your fears.' We have heard this so many times that it has almost become cliche. But it is a core truth. The way that we can grow stronger is by digging deep into the nitty-gritty. We can treat ourselves and our community just as we would a garden. Little by little we can grow what we believe in, and starve what we don’t support.   It’s all about you. It's all about me. It’s all about us. It’s about what we choose. With the direction of our personal energy, we create what we want to see. It doesn’t always happen immediately in this world, and it definitely doesn’t always happen easily, but effort will ALWAYS bear fruit eventually. All things require effort of some degree. It’s up to you, me, us to decide what kind of fruit we want to create…
 I’m dreaming of a world, where everyone is recognized for their talents, where everyone puts their energy and time into what inspires them, and we do it well. How beautiful would it be, to live in a place where everything was created to the full potential?  How nice for us all to live harmoniously together, exchanging our energy with each other honestly? Why do so many of us believe that a world like that is an impossibility? Where did we get that idea? Where do we get any of our ideas?
 “…people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination, from authorities who have not themselves examined the questions at issue but have taken them at second-hand from other non-examiners, whose opinions about them were not worth a brass farthing.” – Mark Twain

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense." Buddha

And then there is the most important question of all...If all the world is symbolic, ("as within, so without") what does the disharmony and energy squandering in the physical world around you represent within yourself? And by 'yourself', I mean 'myself'.

While I was working on this post, I discovered that my husband was leaving this comment at the very same time in a Reddit thread:

"...I give you this oft quoted, AND taken for granted, nugget from Einstein. 'We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.' Albert Einstein

I'm of the Carl Jung influenced persuasion that everything that happens in the outer reality is a direct result of our inner realities. (btw The idea holds up pretty well, when looking through the lens of quantum physics!) You don't have to look far (probably yourself) to find inner dischord among the populace. Until this is emphasized, all the voting, and politicking, and pointing fingers at others will be the equivalent of trying to wash a dirty window with an oily rag. Until WE ALL turn the attention within, THIS is what we are stuck with. The "State" is just a state of mind. A box that we need to start thinking outside of. Because, not only is this system not viable long term, it is spiraling into oblivion exponentially! ......Getting back to quantum physics, it has been widely demonstrated that, essentially, we are all intrinsically interconnected on an energetic level. If you really think about it, every time you help someone, you help yourself. But most importantly, every time you help yourself, you help the rest of us! From there, you could get into conversation on the collective sub-consciousness , and so on, and yadda yadda yadda. So as a step of change in the right direction (nothing is gonna get better over night) we need to shift our value system from one that is only of material wealth to one that recognizes more subtle forms of value. Subtle values which have shown to be absolutely vital to the harmony and order of the universe. Values like learning that the whole is greater than just the sum of its parts, how to learn, to share, to contribute, to love others, but most importantly to love yourself, and to learn to, AND how to, develop yourself (It will be different for each individual). For until each one of us realize that the only genuine sovereign authority is ourselves, there will always be problems with authority. And as long as we keep placing that authority outside ourselves, somebody will be there to usurp the role for us, and we will have nobody to blame but ourselves.." - MK

Guess it's the theme of the household :) 

Now I'm pondering: If TIME is MONEY, and MONEY is ENERGY, than TIME is ENERGY...? 

It goes even deeper when we realize that no one is truly 'outside' of our Self 


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