ode to darkness

The trees are rooted in the deep, moist, dark earth.
They reach toward the light with the strength they gain from the dark.
If they are uprooted from this dark source of power they don't have the support they need for growth.
The dark earth is the womb - it nourishes with what it has absorbed, been filled with.
All that attaches and grows from that earth womb is a reflection of what has been there before,
a representation of what has been absorbed and passed on.
The fruit of attachment
What emerges from the dark does not have to be frightening
As you walk through the black of night, imagine a loving caress rather than claws
Whatever you sense there is a part of you

It has been 4 years since I posted on this blog. Recently I was looking through it again and found the above unpublished post written on this day, October 14th, 3 years ago. The night before my son was born. His birth was one of the most empowering experiences of my life thus  far and this post captures exactly my mindset going into it. What a nice little time capsule to stumble upon! 

He was born at home after 15 hours of labor. I remember the final 5 or 6 hours being intense and powerful and beautiful. I was surrounded by the support of my husband, my mother, my doula, my midwife and her assistant. My husband was so in tune with me and made the perfect playlist of songs to lose myself in. Most notably I remember First Aid Kit and Massive Attack. I labored in the water in front of our large windows that looked out over the trees. The trees gave me strength and peace. I remember it feeling intense and powerful, and honestly I was blown away by that intensity for days afterward, as I relived the contractions in my mind. But I don't remember them as painful or frightening, just the most intensely, primal experience I had ever had. It was so obvious that my body - the deep, dark earth - knew what it was doing. The weather was intense too, stormy. 

"We did it" I remember saying to him the moment I met him. My big, warrior boy, was born screaming and quickly quieted down to stare at us all with just one eye open. Happy almost birthday to my 1st son ♡

open sesame

This past week I went camping in the rain forest. Although I am fortunate to live in an apartment in the city that is near many trees, it had been years since I had spent continual days in nature - eating, sleeping, laughing, thinking, urinating, being. After my first night's sleep, I awoke with a stirring of energy that I hadn't felt in some time. My dreams were colorful and vivid. And insights rushed in, just from observing the life around me. In particular, on one of our day hikes, I remember looking down at the ground littered with pine cones. I instantly thought about fertility, and how a tree grows and eventually drops thousands of cones, but very few actually result in a new tree. However, the mathematical perfection and beauty of the cone is creativity all its own. I thought to myself, I want to allow myself to BE, like a tree, create my "cones" and let them go - proud of them whether they grow into something else or not. Or perhaps they will grow into something unexpected, like a holiday wreath.

Not knowing much about pine cones, I immediately started researching them when I returned home to my computer. I had no idea that trees had both male and female cones. I must have missed that somewhere along the line in elementary school. The male cones are the small, compact little nubbets (yang) that you may notice everywhere amongst the pine needles on the forest floor, and they contain and release pollen. The female cones are the quintessential larger cones that are so familiar (yin), with their open scales splayed out. These female cones contain ovules, which wait to be penetrated by the wind with the pollen of the male cone. Once fertilized, a seed is created which is then released by the female cone - and provided that conditions in the earth are fertile - a new tree is born. Beautiful. I now understand why the pine cone has been depicted as a symbol of fertility throughout the ages. It is a symbol of how we may cultivate our creativity, simply by being open to receiving the pollen (the messages of the universe). Taoism is about celebrating our inner spaciousness. In Dr. Randine Lewis' book "The Way of the Fertile Soul", she gives this quote from Lao Tzu:

"We join spokes together in a wheel, but it is the center hole that makes the wagon move. We shape clay into a pot, but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we desire. We hammer wood for a house, but it is the inner space that makes it livable. We work with being, but nonbeing is what we use."

During that same week after camping, I spent some time with my mom. We were discussing life, as we often do. I can't remember her exact phrasing, but she used the beautiful example of a closed fist - in which nothing can  get in, but by unclenching and opening your hand, you have the ability to receive something new. Such powerful examples of how to be are all around us.

A new understanding is brewing in me about how sacred space is. I am seeing the real error in our attempts to fill the void and hold onto that feeling of fullness. For this spaciousness is where creativity thrives, and whatever we are using to try to fill it up, be it food, drugs, shopping, another person's affection, etc., is creating such a clutter that we can't access our vitality. Clear the memory card, make room for inspiration. Inspire is literally to breath, to receive and then to let go, and repeat.

elemental communion

*update 9/22/10* I didn't have the words to describe the connections I was seeing when making this collage, but today I read this and it fit perfectly:
"From these three glyphs of circle, semi-circle, and cross the symbols of the astrological planets may be derived...

Mercury. The cross below signifies astral consciousness, desire; the circle in the middle, mental consciousness; the semi-circle above indicates that evolution has been pushed beyond the mental and is reflecting downwards light received from a still higher plane, the buddhic, which dominates all. This symbol may also be interpreted as the caduceus of Hermes, two serpents intertwined round a central rod, referring to the fiery power, kundalini, full control of which makes the practical magician." - Alan Leo in his book Esoteric Astrology (emphasis mine)

time to rise and shine

                                        "We are the ones we've been waiting for." Hopi Elders

this place that we live is marvelous

 Follow the link below to a short, entrancing video of Earth's beauty.

http://wimp.com/amazingsights/

crystallization

Here are some excerpts from what I have been reading lately that have inspired me:

“Anthroposophically, bone is considered the hardened state of the first wave of spirit to encounter the realm of matter. Raw soul, entering the force field created by the embryo, is whorled deeper and deeper into the physical dimension until it resembles stone – a fascial cave of dripping lime. In this singular deed of grounding, it remains spirit; it also becomes newly crystalline and electromagnetic, a sacred quartz…at the heart of the body’s manifestation.” – Richard Grossinger, Planet Medicine -Modalities

“…Saturn represents concentrated experience and learning which comes only through life in the physical body, in the material plane. Through the resistance of matter and through the pressure of being incarnate in the physical body, we have the opportunity for developing a greater level of concentrated understanding and greater patience in our attitude toward life itself. Saturn is often said to “rule” the dense material plane. When one incarnates into the physical world, the energy field is constricted and thus concentrated. That is why earthly life is such a good experience, for here we learn through depth of experience, concentrated work, and through seeing the immediate results of our actions. The pain, tension, and pressure of earthly life therefore has an evolutionary and developmental purpose. The material plane is, as the poet T.S. Eliot writes, the point of intersection of the timeless with time. Saturn is the planet of time; and, through the Saturnian experience of living in the material world, where everything moves so slowly and where we have to work so hard to make anything happen or to grow in any way, one can make the greatest spiritual progress. It often seems to go too slowly, and our patience is tested at every point along the way, but persevering through the inert resistance of matter clearly shows us what is enduring and what isn’t, where we meet the tests and where we fail. Saturn’s action clearly shows us the cost of our desires and attachments; it starkly reveals the limitations of our ego; and it shows us that a highly concentrated consciousness and in-depth understanding are the main things we can take from this world when we leave it. It shows us the value of work, for all the wonderful beliefs and ideals ever thought of by human beings are of little value if they are not applied to everyday life through effort. Saturn’s pressure should therefore be taken as a helpful push toward doing the work that we need to do in order to develop at a deep level, rather than as something to dread and to try to escape from.”-Stephen Arroyo, Astrology, Karma & Transformation

*update 9/16/10* "Of all the planets only Saturn appears to have an exclusively material value, but as we have seen, this is deceptive because his function is to demonstrate the relativity of all tangible values. Through Saturn everything on the material plane takes on new meaning because it is seen as a symbol for an inner quality or state of being." -Liz Greene, Saturn: A New Look at an Old Devil

Learning about the Tarot has also inspired and made some interesting connections in my mind. The Devil and Heirophant cards in particular describe the archetypal energies that I am referencing in the above collage. You can view insightful interpretations of the cards by Michael Tsarion here:
http://www.taroscopes.com/major/hierophant.html
http://www.taroscopes.com/major/devil.html