Wednesday, October 14, 2015

ode to darkness

The trees are rooted in the deep, moist, dark earth.
They reach toward the light with the strength they gain from the dark.
If they are uprooted from this dark source of power they don't have the support they need for growth.
The dark earth is the womb - it nourishes with what it has absorbed, been filled with.
All that attaches and grows from that earth womb is a reflection of what has been there before,
a representation of what has been absorbed and passed on.
The fruit of attachment
What emerges from the dark does not have to be frightening
As you walk through the black of night, imagine a loving caress rather than claws
Whatever you sense there is a part of you

It has been 4 years since I posted on this blog. Recently I was looking through it again and found the above unpublished post written on this day, October 14th, 3 years ago. The night before my son was born. His birth was one of the most empowering experiences of my life thus  far and this post captures exactly my mindset going into it. What a nice little time capsule to stumble upon! 

He was born at home after 15 hours of labor. I remember the final 5 or 6 hours being intense and powerful and beautiful. I was surrounded by the support of my husband, my mother, my doula, my midwife and her assistant. My husband was so in tune with me and made the perfect playlist of songs to lose myself in. Most notably I remember First Aid Kit and Massive Attack. I labored in the water in front of our large windows that looked out over the trees. The trees gave me strength and peace. I remember it feeling intense and powerful, and honestly I was blown away by that intensity for days afterward, as I relived the contractions in my mind. But I don't remember them as painful or frightening, just the most intensely, primal experience I had ever had. It was so obvious that my body - the deep, dark earth - knew what it was doing. The weather was intense too, stormy. 
"We did it" I remember saying to him the moment I met him. My big, warrior boy, was born screaming and quickly quieted down to stare at us all with just one eye open. Happy almost birthday to my 1st son ♡


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